Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
