I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
