Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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