just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
