people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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