I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize