3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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