I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
