and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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