i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
its not stalking. its research.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
