Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
