Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's never too late to be topless.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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