You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize