At least make sure they are 18
Why
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
