I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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