i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
