He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
