So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
