He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
