he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize