Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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