I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
