I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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