batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
