So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize