you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
