No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
