At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
