I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
