I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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