He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
