community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
