Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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