Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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