To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
