how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize