The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
