very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
