Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
