need another drink. this is the easiest way
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
