idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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