Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
