We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize