Just took my morning after pill in the library
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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