My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
