I got chris browned last night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
