My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
