Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
