i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
