Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
