Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
