it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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