then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
