Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize