i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
