Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
