If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
