we're blogging at a bar
I wish I could punch you in the face.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
