i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize