If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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