We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am available for nakedness
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
