It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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