My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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