My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We're too hungover to prance.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
