OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
