my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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