I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Randomize
