Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
