Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
