you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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