I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i now understand why vodka
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
