she looked like the before picture.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
