Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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