Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
