My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
