drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
