I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
