College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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