Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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