You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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