Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
