If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
