ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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