how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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