but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
