the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize