So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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