she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
