"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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