so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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