im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
