come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She announced her abortion via fbk
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
