I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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