Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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