that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
