this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
