We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
barbara walters just said penis...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
