he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
