the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
