at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
