Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
