Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
