I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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