wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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