hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
