Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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