real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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