i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
