Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
