he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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