tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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