Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
